Coffee Talk
{musings and life updates}

I wish you and I were face-to-face with steaming mugs of coffee cradled in our hands. Let's pretend! I'll catch you up on some of what's going on with me. Let's talk social media, blogging, and simplifying.

My fast from social media

On December 31, I announced on Facebook and Instagram that I would be taking a break from these platforms for the month of January. I'm now more than a week into my fast, and I'm actually surprised by the results. Although I generally feel like I had good boundaries set for social media, this experiment is throwing some light on unhealthy ways I was relying on these forums. For example, when I woke in the morning, the first thing I did was reach for my phone to check social media. I don't want to start my day this way.

I also found that when I had any moments of stillness in my day, I reached for my phone. Now that I have deleted Facebook and Instagram from my phone, I find myself checking my email instead. I've been checking my email a lot. (Turns out, I don't get as many emails as I thought I did!) Those sets of a few minutes scattered throughout the day add up!

The respite from Facebook and Instagram also helped me realize who I enjoy following. There are some people whom I genuinely miss hearing from, and there are others I now realize were just time-fillers that made me feel icky and/or didn't contribute meaningfully to my life in any way. When I log back on in February, I am going to unfollow several accounts. (A bit of wisdom: if you also want to quiet the noise by unfollowing people, I recommend simply "unfollowing" [on Instagram, this is "muting"] people you may encounter in real life versus "unfriending." People can get very touchy when you unfriend them, and social encounters may be awkward afterward.)

In spite of these benefits from my social media fast, I definitely do not feel the need to quit these forums all together. I miss the communication with my friends. I have a decluttering question I'm dying to ask (hmm, maybe I'll ask it here!), and I have to wait until February to ask on Facebook. I miss the "On This Day" posts. It's so much fun to see photos of my children "on this day" six (or whatever) years ago! I also miss seeing posts from people who inspire me and encourage me in my walk with Jesus. I'm missing practical information, too. I'm on pins and needles for the date of the preschool open house. (I'm going to be the first in line to register Theo!) I know the school will post the event on Facebook, but I requested to be included in the email list because of my social media fast. I keep checking my email for that information that has yet to arrive, and, honestly, it'd be quicker and save me time to just see it pop up on Facebook "Events."

I also discovered that social media (Instagram Stories, specifically) helped me "get through" boring and monotonous tasks and--surprisingly--saved me time by keeping me working at them. Now, while I'm washing the 607th dish for the day, I find myself popping away frequently to tell Dan something that, really, could have waited until later simply because I'm bored!

I thought that turning off all the "voices" of Facebook and Instagram would make me crave more of them. I expected myself to be listening to a lot of podcasts during my time of fasting, but I've been surprised to discover that the increase in quiet actually makes me crave... more quiet! I've tried catching up on a couple of my favorite podcasts, and I almost instantly cringe and shut them off again. I have less to say, too. I thought I'd have more ideas and desire to write on GC&M, but I'm just really enjoying the stillness and don't find myself wanting to put my voice out there.

The result (so far): Although I certainly don't feel the need to quit Facebook and Instagram forever, fasting from social media is definitely a worthy endeavor. It highlights bad habits and gives my brain respite from all the noise of the never-sleeping Internet. I think I might try fasting for a month each year. (2021 would be February, 2022 would be March, etc. [I don't want to do the same month every year because January's "On This Day" would pretty much be a black hole!])

On blogging...

When I started Grace, Coffee, & Mascara, I intended to give myself writing practice. I've always enjoyed writing for an audience more than writing for myself because I tend to be a bit dark and heavy in journals. I also hoped to share my testimony and point people to Jesus.

That said, I want to share some secrets about blogging. First, it's not as easy as you think. I'm only mildly techie, and it's a miracle I got my site running at all. (I looked up a not-too-old blog post the other day and discovered that most of the photos were turned upside-down. Ugh! How did that happen?) Second, "successful" bloggers put in a lot of time, sometimes 50 hours/week or more. I'd love for my blog to have more content, but my family gets priority, and I find myself unable and unwilling to devote that much time to it. Third, follower and "likes" can be fake! I used to look at some accounts and wonder how they had so many likes and follows. Ready? There are actually Facebook groups of bloggers who support each other; for example, if I posted something, I could tell the group, and they would all hop on and "like" my post. The downsides to this? Not only are the "likes" fake, but then I am expected to return the favor to all of these other ladies. I tried it for a little while and, yes, my followers and "likes" increased, but it was such a drain on my time. If God wants my content to be successful, He can make it happen. I don't want to or need to rely on artifice.

I have a bone to pick with bloggers who offer courses on blogging. While I'm sure their intentions are well-meant, the truth is that they're making their incomes off of wannabe bloggers. They can give false messages. "Blogging is easy! Your blog can be successful by only putting in a few hours a week! You can make enough money to bring your husband home from work!" And while this is may be the case for a few, the truth is that old-school blogging as we once knew it is dying. Our attention spans have shortened even more, and now we consume a social media diet of quick posts and "stories."

Although I love writing for an audience, I sometimes wonder if there's a less expensive way to enjoy my writing hobby. I discovered a self-publishing company that allows you to inexpensively create a nice hardback book of your writing, so I sometimes ponder transferring my favorite pieces from GC&M to that and killing the blog. Wow, that was a scary thing to type. Thoughts?! Feedback?!

Simplifying

Emily Ley, the decluttering guru, recently published a series on simplifying. In that spirit, I'll speak briefly to how I'm doing in each area in the new year.

{1} HOME. Okay, here's the question I'm dying to ask. After our wedding, I paid to have our flowers preserved. I had those along with a candy bar wrapper with our last name (our wedding favor), my garter, and other mementos arranged and preserved in a 3-dimensional display box. In spite of the preserving process, the flowers have faded and look like sad ghosts of themselves. The display box brings me no joy, and I have not displayed it in over ten years. Would it be horrible of me to trash the whole thing?! Should I break it open and pull anything out?

{2} ROUTINES. I love my new routine of beginning the day with Bible reading, devotion, and prayer. It sure is hard to wake up in the morning though!

{3} SCHEDULES. Our family is struggling big-time with overscheduled Thursdays. We have swim lessons in the morning, tennis lessons in the afternoon, and basketball practice or games after that. Oh yeah, and it's a school day! We'll be culling tennis from the schedule, but I wonder if that's enough.

{4} HEART. Ley writes that a "real, true fresh start... begins... with the desire to live a different way and continues through the consistent, unselfish act of filling up. Giving yourself the gifts of rest, nourishment, wellness, truth, and connection..." To be honest, most of the items on Ley's list seem luxuriously elusive to me right now. Ideally, all of them would be a focus (as long as they don't turn into something selfish!). But, of all of the areas, I'd like to focus on connection. Especially with my husband. (Sometimes I feel like we're two ships passing in the night!) And also with friends.

Speaking of friends, please don't let this coffee chat be one-sided. What's new with you? Would you ever try a fast from social media? Have you been simplifying (or enriching) your life in the new year? And for heaven's sake, what should I do about that wedding display box?!

XO,
Kristin