Facebook vs. Face-to-Face:
What I Learned from My Month-long Fast from Social Media

"If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.” —Winnie the Pooh

Loneliness, I believe, is one of the greatest challenges stay-at-home moms face. On days when my boys are extra... spirited ...and my patience has been tried, I sometimes find myself reaching for my phone to seek out fellowship with other moms. Instagram. That mama loves dressing up her children, too, and she's got one that doesn't want to cooperate. I can relate. Facebook. That cartoon about homeschooling is spot-on. OR. Hello? Is anyone out there? Anyone at all? May I have some adult conversation, puh-lease?! But does all this reaching out on social media actually become "fluff in our ears" as Winnie the Pooh so eloquently phrased it? Maybe if we can get the fluff out (or some of it, at least), we'll be better able to nurture the relationships right in front of us.

what I did

I took a break from social media for the entire month of January. The only platforms I use(d) are Facebook and Instagram, so I deleted both of these apps from my phone. I also attempted to avoid social media on my PC. For the sake of full disclosure, I cheated a bit. While I completely eluded Instagram for the month, (Yay!) I had a few slip-ups on Facebook. (I just couldn't let my children's birthdays pass without posting about them!)

what I learned

Overall, I had pretty healthy boundaries regarding social media. I rarely (if ever) checked it while doing school with the boys or interacting with them in any capacity. I was also careful not to linger on my phone when hanging with friends at game nights, meals, sports events, or other occasions when my attention should be fixed on the people around me. Even so, taking a break from social media was a very healthy choice for me! I learned a lot about my habits regarding social media and how the use of it affects me emotionally. I became aware that social media is the very first thing I wake to every day! I wake up to an alarm set on my phone, so I have to pick up my phone to turn off the alarm. And as long as the phone is in my hand... Eek! This is not the way I want to greet each day. I also became more aware of the accounts I actually enjoy following. There were others I didn't miss at all but continued to follow "just because." I realized that I enjoy browsing Instagram much more than Facebook. Instagram just seems to have a friendlier, more visual atmosphere. On Facebook, I have to surf through so much stuff I don't really care about to get to something I'm actually interested in. Strangely, though, when I am doing the posting, I prefer Facebook over Instagram! (I think it's because I have more friends on Facebook, so I get more interaction on my posts.)

And although I love sharing snippets of our daily life with family and friends, there are some unfortunate side effects to doing so. I sometimes worry that I'm misrepresenting my family as being perfect. Trust me, I am a sinful mama sharing a home with sinful children. We have our fair share of tears and struggles. In addition, when I share a post, I feel a strong urge to log-in and check (and check and check) to see how many "likes" my post receives. And then, almost 100% of the time, the number of likes makes me feel less-than. (Why does this person get so many more likes than me? Do people think I'm a braggart? Or annoying? Do people not like me? Do they not like my kids?) It's absurd. Oh my word, why do I do this to myself?! I'm giving Satan lots of opportunities to whisper lies and insecurities in my ear.

I didn't miss social media as much as I thought I would, but there are some things I like about it. Social media has its practical uses (scheduling my son's milestone pictures, looking up business and event information, etc.). I also like using it as a sounding board every so often when I have a question or would like advice. As strange as it sounds, it's nice to be able to mindlessly scroll if I want to. Occasionally, I have anxious thoughts that keep me up at night, and scrolling through an Instagram feed (particularly a fluffy one that focuses on beauty or fashion) helps my mind settle down and finally get to sleep.

what I am going to do

So what am I going to do going forward? I am going to purchase an actual alarm clock (probably one of those that mimics the sunrise), so I do not have to start the day with my phone in my hand. I did download Instagram and Facebook onto my phone again, but really don't feel the need to log into them much anymore. While I certainly enjoy the posts of real-life friends from both my past and present, I chose to "unfollow" lots of public and for-profit accounts. I don't think it would be kind of me to share which ones I unfollowed, but I will share the Instagram handles of some of my favorite accounts that I missed during my time away from social media:

• Life-hacks, simplicity, and organizing -
  emilyley; simplified (I love Emily's encouragement to simplify and focus on what matters. Her daily planner is my favorite planner ever. Oh, and she is the one who inspired my social media fast in the first place!)
• Beauty -
  k8_smallthings (Small Things Blog) (Kate is a former hairstylist. Not only does she have great hair and makeup tutorials, but she's also smart, real, and has young children. I like the title of her blog; she gets that hair and beauty are not the "big things" in life.)
• Fashion -
  clothedingraceblog (Becca's from Wisconsin! Woot! I love her cute and affordable style.);
  justpostedblog (Candace is a former teacher, so I can relate to her. I like her style, and she has cute printables on her blog.)
• Health and wellness -
  awilsonwellness (Amanda has great ideas for clean-eating and meal-prep.)
• Christian inspiration, intelligence, beauty -
  sally.clarkson (Sally is such an inspiration to mothers! I just love her.)

As for my own posts... When I became hyperaware of the two awful consequences of my own posts (feeling the urge to constantly check for "likes" and then feeling "less-than" for the number of likes my posts actually receive), I realized that a change was in order. I don't want to stop posting altogether because I adore the "Memories" feature of Facebook that shows me posts "on this day" from previous years. However, I found that if I post privately (just to myself), this eliminates both of my problems! If friends don't even have the ability to see my posts, I won't feel the need to check for likes, and I won't feel bad when the total number of likes is zero.

I'm still learning though! Recently, I attempted to post a photo privately. Trying to be organized, I added the (what-I-thought-was-private) photo to a public album. Well, I guess the album privacy settings trump the photo privacy settings, and it was posted publicly. I was surprised to find "likes" on it the next time I logged in and then was mortified by how boastful it sounded. (It sounded just fine if it was written only for me. But publicly? It had a very prideful "look-at-what-my-children-did" tone. Yeesh.) I thought about posting an apology, but that would bring even more attention to it! Ugh! I will post publicly (on purpose!) from time to time, but it is a goal of mine to have the majority of my posts be private from here on out.

I am so thankful that I took a month off from social media. It brought to light some bad habits I had formed as well as the ways it was negatively affecting my emotional well-being. I have some "action" items to work on to continue striving toward a healthier relationship with social media. I loved the rest and quiet so much, I plan to fast from social media for one month each year indefinitely. (Next year, it will be February.) If you've never done so, I strongly encourage you to take a break from Facebook yourself! It's good for all of us to take a step back from the always-changing and never-sleeping noise on the Internet. and you'll probably learn a lot about yourself. Many times, we turn to social media because we're feeling lonely. Perhaps, though, if we step away from our phones and computers--or, get the fluff out, as Winnie the Pooh would say--, we'll have more time and space to focus on friendships with the people we encounter face-to-face. To make and deliver a meal for a friend in need. To purchase and send a timely birthday card to our nephew. To schedule that coffee date and linger over vanilla lattes.