{my breastfeeding experiences}

Every time I have a baby, my body seems to think that I've given birth to 10-pound quadruplets and makes enough milk to feed them all. Plus, leftovers. Maybe it's a result of living my whole life in Wisconsin, the dairy state. Who knows? Actually, I think I might know where it all started. Here's the quick and dirty on my breastfeeding experience with my four babies.

Baby #1 (Shane) - I should really write a post about Shane's birth story, but I don't like to relive it. Let's just say that, during labor and delivery, if it could have gone wrong, it probably did. He was asynclitic, which basically means that his head was tilted to his shoulder and was no longer in line with the birth canal. He had also passed meconium inside of me, which is dangerous if swallowed by the baby and increased the urgency that we get Shane out quickly. I pushed as hard as I could for four hours to get the kiddo out (and I'm pretty athletic), and he just wasn't budging. At one point, one of the nurses said, "Can't you push any harder?" Never in my life had I wanted to punch someone so badly. The doctor had to pull Shane out using a vacuum, and Dan later remarked that the doctor was pulling so hard, Dan was genuinely afraid he was going to rip off our baby's head. I have a picture of Shane lying in his little plastic crib, and I'm not going to post that either, because it is so incredibly sad. His head and face are black and blue, and his little head is resting on a cool gel pillow because the vacuum had done so much damage. His pain-filled eyes are open in the picture, and it makes me want to cry every time I look at it.

I tell you all of this, because it affected breastfeeding as well. As a result of being pulled upon so hard, Shane's neck was injured. He could only turn his head one way, and we just couldn't find a good breastfeeding position that was comfortable for him. (I had to take Shane to a chiropractor for the first year of his life to correct the neck injury.) Since Shane couldn't get a good latch, my nipples became cracked, bleeding, and incredibly sore. I worked with a lactation consultant through our healthcare provider in the hope of correcting this. Although she was helpful when I could get an appointment, the appointments were hard to come by, and it often took her days to return my urgent phone calls. It was also recommended that I take Shane to a CranioSacral therapist. She determined that he was very likely experiencing a lot of headaches, but his latch was OK at that point. Unfortunately, I was so damaged that even the good latch put me in excruciating pain every time I tried to nurse him. That's when I decided to pump and bottle-feed him, and that's when I think I accidentally trained my body to produce ALL. THE. MILK. I didn't really know how often or how much to pump, so I think I just pumped too much. Shane had all the milk he wanted, and we were quickly filling up the freezer with milk. It was going all right, but pumping is a pain, to be honest. It takes twice as long to feed your baby (the time it takes to feed him the bottle plus the time it takes to pump out the milk). In addition, you need to continually clean and sanitize the bottles and pump parts.

I would have happily continued pumping and bottle-feeding, though, if I didn't start getting clogged ducts. One of the clogged ducts resulted in a super-painful golf-ball sized lump that sent me to the doctor. When they started throwing the words "breast cancer" around, I decided that I'd had enough with this whole breastfeeding business. I called a LLL leader, and, after being convinced that I did, indeed, want to stop breastfeeding, she gave me instructions on how to wean him. I felt incredibly guilty about throwing in the towel, but Shane's doctor reminded me how many healthy babies are formula-fed. She, herself, was a formula-fed baby. Although I wish I could have breastfed Shane for a year or more, I know that I made the right decision. He enjoyed his bottle, we were both much happier and more relaxed, and he is now a healthy and smart kid.

Baby #2 (Conner) - The labor/deliver process with Shane had been so terrible, I wanted things to be as different as possible this time. I did a ton of research. (I highly recommend this book, which also includes lots of good information about natural childbirth.) I found an excellent obstetrician, Dr. K., to care for me and my baby, instead of the family practitioner whom we'd had last time. Based on the advice in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, I committed to a natural (drug-free) childbirth and hired a doula to accomplish it. (It was awkward having her in a hospital setting, because she and the nurses occasionally butted heads, but I know I would have had an epidural again if it weren't for her.) I also started attending La Leche League meetings and, though LLL, met a wonderful lactation consultant named Maggie who was very passionate and knowledgeable about breastfeeding and (for free!) would literally spend hours on the phone with me helping me work through my engorgement and oversupply. Once I got past those obstacles, breastfeeding Conner was a breeze, and I nursed him until he was about 18 months old.

Baby #3 (Logan) - Because I had experienced breastfeeding success with Conner, I didn't think I needed as much help as I did last time. Having experienced a natural childbirth once, I didn't necessarily feel the need to do it again, so I didn't hire a doula this time. (I did, of course, keep Dr. K. as my obstetrician, whom I love, love, love.) I also thought I could handle the initial engorgement and oversupply myself, so I didn't consult with Maggie. Big mistake. When I say I was engorged, I don't mean the normal engorgement that occurs within the first couple days of a woman's milk coming in. I'm talking about being so engorged that I couldn't put my arms down at my sides OR raise them above shoulder height without experiencing extreme pain. I kid you not, I once yelled at Dan for walking past me, because I was convinced that the breeze he created caused my breasts more pain. You guys. I am talking extreme engorgement that lasted 12 weeks. During that time, I felt so horrible, I couldn't leave the house, and I pretty much hated the world. Once my milk supply settled down, though, breastfeeding Logan was easy and pleasant. I nursed him until he was well past 2 years old. (I finally weaned him when Dan and I went on an overnight anniversary trip to Door County.) Breastfeeding-related words are a part of Logan's vocabulary. When I wear a lower-cut top, for example, Logan may peek down and say, "Nursies in there?" I'm not sure how I feel about this. 🙂

Baby #4 (Theo) - When Dan and I were deciding whether to have another baby, the first negative thought that raced into my mind was, Oh no! I'd have to go through 12 weeks of HELL again! Yet, Dan and I didn't feel our family was complete yet, and God eventually blessed us with another little one. After Theo was born, my milk came in, and I began experiencing my typical symptoms of engorgement: rock-hard boobs that wouldn't squeeze into any of my bras, difficulty latching Theo due to said rock-hard boobs, so much pain, and the inability to raise and lower my arms without extreme pain. Not wanting to be miserable for another 12 weeks, I swallowed my pride and called Maggie, and, again, she came to the rescue. Using her advice, my engorgement was under control in about a week and a half. What a blessing. Now I can fully enjoy this time with my newborn without constantly feeling like a volcano on the brink of erupting.

{why is oversupply a problem?}

First, let me be clear. I am NOT going to make the argument that having oversupply is more difficult than having undersupply. I have never dealt with undersupply, so I don't feel qualified to give a comparison. Even so, I can imagine the anxiety a mama would feel if her body wasn't making enough milk for her baby, and I think that would be beyond awful. Although I can't speak to undersupply, here's what I do know about being an oversupply mama:

• The pain. Oh my goodness, the pain. After giving birth, the hospital sent me home with a bottle of Tylenol and a bottle of Ibuprofen. I popped those pills for the pain in my chest, not for the pain related to pushing a baby out. It's having one of the most sensitive parts of your body swollen to the brink of explosion. And then a little more. As I mentioned above, I typically become so engorged that I can't rest my arms at my sides or raise them above shoulder-level, so I have to rely on my hubby to reach for things for me, and I have to walk around like a crazy person holding my arms out a few inches from my sides.
• Clogged ducts/mastitis. When you are an oversupply mama, you have an increased risk for clogged ducts, which, left untreated, could turn into mastitis. (Somehow, I have managed to avoid mastitis thus far, praise the Lord. However, I've heard from women who've had it that they wouldn't wish it upon their worst enemy. Yikes.) I've had my fair share of clogged ducts, which, oddly enough, have only occurred while breastfeeding my first two children. Clogged ducts hurt like crazy, but unclogging them hurts exponentially worse. It's best to get in a warm shower (or, if you can't, apply warm compresses), and then you knead the heck out of it until you loosen the clog. I recall being in the shower for a good hour, kneading that clog until I was literally weeping with pain. When I finally got it, the milk shot all the way across the shower-tub and came out with so much pressure that I could hear an audible hiss above the sound of the water coming out of the showerhead. Afterward, my breast was so sore from kneading that I wasn't totally sure whether or not I had remedied the clog. (I had.)
• Breastfeeding difficulty. As you may or may not know, in order for the baby to get a good latch (that doesn't cause you pain or injury), he needs to take a good amount of breast tissue into his mouth. When your boobs are giant boulders, all the baby can latch onto is your nipples, which results in cracking, bleeding, and descriptions of which I will spare you. (You're welcome.) When the baby can't get a good latch, and you're wincing in pain as he tries to nurse, breastfeeding is far from the pleasant experience it's supposed to be.
• The fire-hose effect. I remember this most prominently with Logan, but I've also seen it with Theo too. When the oversupply mama's milk lets down, it comes out like water from a fire-hose. I distinctly remember Logan's eyes widening in shock as my milk gushed into his mouth at a rate he just couldn't handle. It would often end in him sputtering and coughing as he tried to manage the fierce pressure. Many times, he would end up crying in frustration, which breaks a mama's heart.
• The projectile vomiting effect. Again, poor Logan. Fearful that pumping would tell my body to make more milk, nursing Logan was the only way I could relieve my volcano-boobs. We nursed a lot, and he often ended up getting way more milk than his little tummy could handle. This resulted in lots and lots of spit-up. No, spit-up sounds too gentle. Projectile vomiting is much more appropriate. I can't tell you how many times Dan and I had to clean up slimy, sticky spit-ups, because my poor baby was being massively overfed.
• Anxiety that your baby is not getting enough. What?! How could the oversupply mama possibly have this concern? Well, when her baby is coughing and sputtering while nursing, and while every session ends in him crying in frustration or projectile vomiting massive amounts of the milk he consumed, the mama is left worrying (panicking) about whether anything is left in her baby's tummy. Yes, the oversupply mama shares this concern with the undersupply mama.
• Diaper rash. When your baby is being overfed loads of milk, it only makes sense that he is going to be dirtying more diapers than a typically fed newborn. No matter how diligently Dan and I changed our little guys' diapers, they still got really bad diaper rash. At one point, Theo's diaper rash was so bad, it looked like it might start bleeding at the slightest touch. {However, since then, I've been experimenting with different treatments, and I've cracked the code on treating and preventing diaper rash! I will save this for another post.}
• Hermit-like tendencies. When I was crazy-engorged with Logan, I hardly left the house for 12 weeks, because I was just in too much pain to even think about heading out, and I was also afraid of dealing with the sputtering, choking, coughing, and mega-puking that characterized our nursing sessions. I'm naturally a bit introverted, so I didn't mind it as much as I might have otherwise, but I still got a bit stir-crazy. This time around, I'm not crazy-engorged like last time, but I've still been sticking close to home, and I feel like I'm becoming a bit of a hermit. You'll have to excuse me if you see me posting a lot on social media. It's how I'm relating to the world right now. 🙂
• Lack of empathy. I bought a new baby carrier to use with Theo at a store that specializes in nursing and baby gear. As I was checking out, I timidly asked the sales associate if the store carried anything that might help a mama with oversupply. She looked at me as though I had two heads and then said, "Do you know how many women would want to punch you in the throat if they heard you say that?" I was half-expecting that reaction, because I get it a lot. I'm not saying my plight is as bad as an undersupply mama's, but my experience isn't exactly a picnic either. (Recall the time I was in so much pain I literally yelled at Dan for walking past me and creating a breeze?) A little less hostility would be nice.

{help for the oversupply mama}

{Please be aware that I am not a medical professional of any kind, and I am not giving you medical advice. This is what worked for me and what was advised by my lactation consultant. Be sure to check with your own lactation and/or doctor for your personal needs!}

** Find support! Breastfeeding is natural, but it's not necessarily intuitive, especially in today's culture in the U.S. where breastfeeding in public is still (sadly) a bit on the taboo side. It has been my personal experience that well-meaning family practitioners have not given me good breastfeeding advice. For example, I didn't pump at all when Logan was a newborn, because his pediatrician advised me not to when I told her I was struggling with engorgement and oversupply. Her advice makes total sense if you have a manageable level of oversupply, but, in my case, refusing to pump at all was set me up for an excruciating 12 weeks of engorgement. My lactation consultant, Maggie, has been my best source of support, followed by La Leche League groups, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding book, and websites like kellymom.com. Find support. You'll be so glad you did.

** During the first two weeks, I couldn't squeeze my boulder-boobs into any of my bras, including the huge ones I buy specifically for nursing. The only thing I could wear with some degree of comfort were these. Do not try to wear an underwire bra until your boobs have settled down enough. The wire will stab you, and you will increase your risk of clogged ducts and mastitis.

**When my milk supply calms down, my favorite nursing bras are underwire bras made with thin lace. (Thick bulky fabric interferes with my baby when he is trying to nurse.) This is my favorite.

**I love this nipple cream for those first couple weeks when baby can only latch onto my nipples. Ouch! It is thinner and glides on more smoothly than other creams, which results in less pain when applying it.

**If you're an oversupply mama, you're going to be letting down all. the. time. Yesterday, I let down when I looked at a drawer full of forks. I'm not kidding. I use these disposable nursing pads until my milk supply calms down, and then I switch to washable breast pads to save money.

**Block nurse. Basically, this means offering baby only one side at a time, which is what I started doing with Theo from the get-go, because I know I have oversupply issues. Today, I'm still making more milk than I'd like, so I think I'm going to have to move to a stronger form of block nursing, which would entail feeding him from only one side for a given time period (for example, 4-6 hours) before offering the other side.

**Ready for the two pieces of advice my lactation consultant, Maggie, gave me? These two things literally saved me from another 12 weeks of engorgement hell. First, PUMP! I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but I was in so much pain, I would have stood on my head if she told me it would help. The explanation (as I understood it): much of the engorgement is fluid other than milk. A lot of it is fluid from the IVs I received in the hospital. In addition, my body is reading the engorgement as an injury, so it's sending more blood to my boobs. In order to let the fluid and blood move out of my breasts, I need to get the milk out of there. (Also, if you're not clearing your breasts enough, oversupply mamas can also turn into undersupply mamas, which happened to Maggie and is the reason she's so passionate about helping other mamas today!) I was told to pump my breast after every feeding, which I did for about 2 weeks. Although I didn't necessarily clear the breast every time, I did pump it after each feeding, and I can't believe how much it helped! Once my engorgement calmed down (at around 2 weeks), I stopped pumping, and the engorgement/oversupply has been manageable. An added bonus: I have a nice stock of milk in the freezer. Here's my favorite pump.  If you don't know this already, every woman who has a baby is entitled to one free pump through her insurance. (I believe. Check into it with your health insurance provider!)

**The second piece of advice that saved me: ICE THOSE BOOBS! Remember how I said that your body sending blood to your chest contributes to the engorgement? Ice them, just as you would ice a swollen ankle. When Maggie told me this, she was apologetic, and said, "I know it sounds awful..." I was in so much pain, my chest was literally radiating heat. "Actually," I said, "that sounds pretty good!" Dan found these for me at Wal-Mart, and they are awesome! They can be used cold (to treat engorgement) or warm (to help with clogged ducts and mastitis). My only disappointment was that they lost their cool quickly (as, I guess, any ice pack would when against bare skin), so we got two sets to trade in and out of the freezer.

**My lactation consultant also recommended that I take 8,000 (yes, that is the correct number of zeroes) mg of lecithin daily to guard against clogged ducts. I take six of these giant pills a day (3 in the morning and 3 before bed), so I'm not quite at 8,000 mg, but so far I haven't had any clogged ducts this time around. <knocks on manufactured wood desk>

**Be kind! If you are an oversupply mom, listen to the woes of an undersupply mom and affirm her feelings and experiences. Tell her that you'll pray for her and do it. Similarly, if you are an undersupply mom, try to keep yourself from saying--voice dripping in sarcasm--"Oh, that must be really hard!" followed by an eye roll. Either way, if you haven't walked in it, you really have no place to judge. And responding with love and kindness is always the way to go.

**Lastly, pray. A lot. When you're wincing in pain as your baby latches to your nipple only, thank the Lord for that sweet baby and that you have enough milk to sustain him. Ask that the milk nourishes his little body, and ask for healing for yourself. Ask Him for relief and comfort, so that you can enjoy the sweet act of nursing your baby, as He designed. God created the act of breastfeeding to be satisfying, delightful, and comforting.

“Rejoice with Jerusalem, and be glad for her, all you who love her; rejoice with her in joy, all you who mourn over her; that you may nurse and be satisfied from her consoling breast; that you may drink deeply with delight from her glorious abundance.” For thus says the Lord: “Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river, and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream; and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip, and bounced upon her knees. As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem." Isaiah 66: 10-13

Have courage, oversupply mamas! This, too, shall pass. And, in the meantime, enjoy those precious babies. 🙂